I remember being so convicted as I realized that I really couldn't care less about God's glory. All I cared about was me. My reputation. My glory. I was not willing to be seen as a fool that God might be glorified. I wasn't willing to be made less.
I'm so thankful that He brought this conviction to me, for He disciplines those whom He loves. That day was the first time I asked God to cause me to care more for His glory. I wanted to care. I just didn't know how to make myself.
I'll never forget the first time I realized that He had been answering that prayer, only a couple weeks later. I received a letter from a friend who had just returned from 6 weeks in France. As I read about her experience and learned how very few people worship Him, all I could do was cry and say, "God, they don't know You. God they don't know You. God, they don't know You!" I remember thinking that something had to be done. How could a people not love Him, this One who is everything to me? My heart was broken in two, and I was outraged that their Creator, Sustainer, Father, Friend, Savior is not given even the slightest acknowledgement or recognition by 99% of the country. It just isn't right.
And now that I'm here, my passion for His worship has only grown. It bothers me so much that they act like He doesn't exist, doesn't care, isn't worthy, isn't able, doesn't see.... And sometimes I just want to scream to everyone, "He's here! He's watching! He's holy! He's just, and He's made a way for you!"
Truth be told, I have no idea what I'm doing. These people are so closed off, and to speak of religion is the worst offense. Even if I were to bring it up, I am powerless to change their minds.
And so I pray, and I ask for God's help. Because the same God who convicted me of my sin of self-glorying can convict them of theirs too. I am so bothered, but I know the only Answer. His name is Jesus. And though I don't know who I may meet while in France, or what difficulties I will face, or how to bring up the gospel and make them understand it.... none of it is an issue because I have Him. I'm living, breathing, thriving, growing, learning, exploring, and in France because of Him and for Him.